Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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