im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
That accounts for only three of the penises
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Randomize
