My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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