I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize