eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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