What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
