So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize