There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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