we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
