Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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