please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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