I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
