i would punch a child for taco bell
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
