So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
