I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
