brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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