Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
