Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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