That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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