you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
