is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize