Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
