i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
