Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
