I just gift wrapped bread.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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