I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
