and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
