i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
