After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
