Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
