You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
