i'm signing you up for texting rehab
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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