I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize