I need to stop coming to work sober
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
