Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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