a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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