How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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