you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
