either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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