I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
