my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Is it penis luge time yet?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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