I think i peed on brittanys purse
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
