i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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