Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Acid is not a monday night drug
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
