also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
