OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
