dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
