i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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