You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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