I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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