hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
