we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
