I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Someone shattered a urinal.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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