i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
