I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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