I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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