and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
