1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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