We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
