i think my tv is drunk
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
