Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
