a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
