When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
