My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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