BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
