I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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