I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
