I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize