remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
