Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
