census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
