It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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