well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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