Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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