you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
