my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Dick very happy bro
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
