Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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