physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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