1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
