im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
