i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
