I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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