I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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