I showed him my bush... on skype.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize