Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
