And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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