put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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