I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
