Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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