I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
jump out the window naked night went bad
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
