**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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