it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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