you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
3 2 1 whiskey
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
