I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
