Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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