she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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