Having a random hookup so left but love u
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
