I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Randomize
