More tranny stories later!
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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