you're like a bully in the Christmas story
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
